In a society that tells us to think more about ourselves, do we risk leaving the most vulnerable behind?

I’ve been listening to a class podcast recently called Where is My Mind?

I first discovered the host, Niall Breslin, through the Daily Wellness playlist on Spotify, which I found at the beginning of lockdown in 2020. It’s a mix of ‘good vibes only’ kind of music, and short podcast episodes from some really insightful people – all with the simple aim of helping your mind through the day. Listen if you get the chance.

Anywayyyy…in his podcast, he talks us through ways in which we can help our minds cope with the manic, always-on, always buzzing world we live in these days.

A recent episode centred around how we, as individuals, need to understand what our values in life are. During the episode, he interviewed some local Care Home residents (who have been stuck inside, isolated for almost a year now) about their life values, and what they would tell their younger selves if they had the chance…and I can’t get what they said out of my mind:

“Put other people first, always”

“Be there for for your family and friends”

“Nothing else matters but family”

In life, they said “this is all that really matters.”

And it’s really made me think.

If, at 80 or 90 years old (having lived for nearly a century), this is the big lesson in life…then why is society telling us more and more to put ourselves first?

I can’t argue with anyone that self-care isn’t important. Of course it is. If you are not well enough yourself, then what bloody use are you to anyone else?

But these new trends are talking to us about more than just self care. They are telling us that we deserve the best life has to offer, and that we should not feel bad putting ourselves first. These trends tell us to find that important ‘me time’ and prioritise that over everything else. Which I kind of still agree with.

But really – why do we deserve the best in life? What makes us so special? Who said or decided we were worthy of the best, and for that matter…what is the best?

I know I’m guilty of this. I’ve spent the last few years dipping in and out of podcasts, social media accounts, websites and books talking about how to make MYSELF better, by spending time on ME. I mean, the fact I’ve even listened to this podcast says enough…

But we can’t lose sight of what’s important…

What if by working on ourselves so much, the most vulnerable in our families and communities start to get ignored and left behind? Who is thinking about them when we are thinking about ourselves all the time? It’s so easy to get caught up in your own life, and I just worry the more we are encouraged to focus more and more on our own mind and life, we will lose sight of what (and who) is really important.

Listening to these wise, elderly people has made me think about my own values in life, and if they are in the right place.

And if I’m honest, I’m not sure they are…in this past year in particular.

I’ve been so focused on making sure that I have made it through this fucked up pandemic, and that my head is in the right place, that other people around me might be coming second.

Despite living alone, in isolation.

Despite having health issues.

Despite losing jobs.

And despite some people just being fucking sad…because….well no reason in particular. It’s just been a shite year.

I’ve lost count of how many blogs or online articles I’ve seen about “Why self care is so important during a global crisis”, or “10 reasons to put yourself first,” or worse, “Why you can’t control other people’s lives, so stop worrying,”

This tone is something we see much more of (with younger generations being particularly exposed), with far fewer stories or content telling us to think about others.

OF COURSE I know there are lots of stories that are about selfless things to do and how to look out for others – these are some extreme examples I’m giving, but I’m sure you know what I’m talking about! The world is saturated with self-help content.

I am in no way saying we shouldn’t be looking after ourselves, but this is just another way to look at it…and maybe open up a bit of conversation!

I’ll just finish up by asking you to think about your own values in life.

What are they?

Are they what you think they should be?

Cara.